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Most of us have said things like, “I hate this” or “I hate that.” It’s fleeting. Surface-level. Something we say and then move on from.
But hate can go deeper than that. It can become a permanent part of how we see the world, and ourselves.
I know this because I lived it.
For years, I walked around every day saying, “I hate my f-ing life.” I hated my job. I hated my drinking. I hated my financial situation. But the hardest part to admit was this: every one of those things was a direct result of my own choices. Still, I blamed everyone else.
I blamed the mythical “system.” I blamed circumstances. I blamed people around me. Anything to avoid looking in the mirror.
At work, if a chain slipped or a customer got rude, I’d throw my gloves down, look at the sky, and scream, “I hate my f—ing life!” It was dramatic. Loud. And it was real. That anger and pain eventually led to deep depression. The only time I felt any joy was at the bottom of a beer glass.
But the cruel irony was that everything I hated was within my reach to change. I could’ve taken steps. I had people who wanted to help me. But I didn’t want to lose the familiar, even if it was killing me.
It wasn’t until a life-changing accident that I was forced to pause, reflect, and change.
Hate didn’t just stay in my personal life. It bled out into how I treated others.
I was ignorant. And that ignorance turned into judgment, especially toward people who were gay.
I used to think, “How could a man love another man? How could I be friends with someone gay? What if they hit on me?”
I cringe at that now, but I need to be honest: I truly believed that if someone was gay, it was somehow about me. As if their identity existed to make me uncomfortable. I avoided people I assumed were gay, not because they did anything wrong, but because I was terrified I might find out we had something in common.
And the truth is: we do.
We love.
We love for different reasons, in different ways, but we love because it’s right for us. That’s what connects us. Love is the thread that holds humanity together. I couldn’t see that before. But I do now.
Hate lies to us.
It tells us that blaming others will bring us peace. That staying ignorant is easier than understanding. That difference is dangerous. But none of that is true.
Hate isolates. It drains your spirit and damages your relationships. It’s a parasite that feeds on fear and insecurity. It tells you that you’re protecting yourself, when you’re actually cutting yourself off from growth, compassion, and joy.
But here’s the good news: hate is not permanent.
It can be unlearned.
And it starts with a simple, radical act, curiosity!
Ask questions. Be uncomfortable. Listen. You don’t have to change your own beliefs to respect someone else’s. All that’s required is the willingness to try.
When we choose understanding over judgment, something powerful happens. We grow. We connect. We heal.
We’re not meant to be the same. Expecting everyone to live, love, and believe just like you do is not only unrealistic—it’s dangerous. Our differences are what make life rich. They are not threats. They are opportunities.
I’ve been on both sides of hate. I’ve let it drive me. And I’ve fought hard to let it go.
And I can tell you from experience: life is better—lighter—without it.
Hate may seem immovable. But it’s just a shadow. And the moment you let light in—through honesty, humility, and heart—it begins to fade.
You don’t need to carry that weight.
You never did.
If you’re struggling with hate—toward yourself, others, or the world—you’re not alone. Start by talking. Reach out. Ask questions. Look inward. There’s a better path waiting for you, and I promise: it’s worth walking.
We have a few Giving Partners who can help you defeat the demon of hate. Visit: https://www.communitypayitforward.us/profiles/category/family-therapy/ or https://www.communitypayitforward.us/profiles/category/personal-coaching/ to start looking for healing programs today!
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